"I'm Psychology" Part 2

I heard from the lift:

Kabayan: Grabe na talaga ang panahon ngayon. Lalong bumababa ang economic.

Father's Day

frankly speaking i dread father's day and mother's day.
it is really too hard for me to say thank you and i love you to my parents.
i dont understand why when it is easy (well relatively easy that is)for me to say thanks and i love you to my few ( and i mean very few) choosen friends.

but not saying thanks and i love you to them does not mean that i dont feel these things. so, since i cant verbally say them (ataka pero manglimbawot jud akong balhibo ani) i'll just say them thru text (daghang salamat sa nag imbento sa cellular phones).

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TATAY. stay strict as you are. i dont care i still love you...

what now?

enjoying my chance to be unproductive these past few days.
i can't wait for september to come and start a new chapter of my life....

A Sunny Smile Under a Cloudy Sky

At the rate of what I'm feeling these days, it could rain nonstop without putting a damper on my sunny mood.

For months I have been moping around thinking of ways to get out of the rut that I was in. My days were spent in a boring routine with unexpected burst of violent feelings to do physical harm to anybody who catches my attention just for the hell of it.

But all these pesky feelings melted away like the proverbial ice cream under the sun. I have decided to leave my job and start a new adventure along with two of my friends who were also looking for that golden pot (and I don't mean weed my friends) at the end of the f&*$#ng rainbow.

Now, I'm so looking forward to the reactions of my bosses when I hand them my resignation. Hah! If they won't accept it then I'm ready to shove my resignation letter to that part of their anatomy where the sun don't shine!

And now I'll start counting the days until the time when i can tell them : So long suckers!!!!!!

Hands Off! Lips Off!

I’m proud to say that I only have very few friends.
And only 2 of them know me completely inside out.
I consider myself lucky to have them.

They know that I don’t like making beso-beso.
They also know that I don’t like hugging or holding hands.
I guess I'm just not into this kind of thing.

And guess what?
My aversion to PDA between friends is okay with them.
Because they also feel the same way about it….ha ha ha
Birds of the same feathers flock together.

But know this; I would gladly follow them to hell and back.
I'm just glad they have not asked me to do to this yet.
But we're getting ready for a new adventure.

Now Dubai…..next stop singa!!!!

Can’t buy me class

When I was young (not that I’m old now) I always thought that “wealthy people” is synonymous to “classy people”.

I am happy to say that I have met a lot of wealthy people who are very well mannered and who treats everybody equally. I admired one person in particular. His name is Hilario G. Davide Jr.. Yes, he was the 20th Chief Justice of the Philippines and head of the Judicial Branch of government from November 1998 to December 2005. I was invited to an intimate dinner with his family and friends one evening. That was the first and only time that I met him in person. The experience was one of the most surreal moments of my life.

He, his wife and children ( I met his daughter through the foundation where I worked before and which she supported) were very good hosts. I even participated in the dinner conversation. We talked about Dan Brown’s sensational novel The Da Vinci Code. I was absolutely thrilled to participate in a classy (I can’t find any fitting word to describe it) discussion. I will treasure that experience forever.

And then I decided to try my luck in another country (and sadly I am still here now).

I work for a company owned by a very wealthy family. There, I was exposed to the other side of the coin. I can only shake my head in disgust and disbelief. I saw one family member picking up candy on a dirty floor and popped it into her mouth (ugh). One member after using the washroom, picked up a book, lick his fingers and flipped through the pages (double uggh). They gossip about other people less fortunate than them. They talked about their golds and diamonds and how others can’t afford them. They screamed at a person who displeased them. Please remember that all of these people are grown-ups. The list is long but I can’t force myself to write about them all.

Sigh. Now I know that you really cannot buy good breeding…..

The Write Stuff

I began my love affair with words when I was still in grade school. Usually I wrote about short stories and have my father critiqued them. My father was a wide reader so he would know what made a good story. And since he always told me that my stories were good, I gained confidence in my talent over the years. I even dreamed that someday I will find my bestselling novel displayed side by side with the novels of Robert Ludlum and Jack Higgins (they were my father’s favourite authors).


While my cousins were into singing and dancing, I was into writing. In fact I was the only one in my family that showed inclination towards the written words. My cousins were great dancers and singers. They would always participate in school programs showcasing their talents. In one instance a close friend of mine asked me how come I was the only one not up on stage dancing or singing my heart out. I was hurt by her question but what can I do but be honest with her? I told her that I was born tune deaf and thus cannot carry a tune even if my life depended on it. And as luck would have it, I also have two left feet so dancing with me would be dangerous to my dance partner’s toes. Therefore, singing and dancing were out of my repertoire though not for lack of trying. But please there was no need for everyone to pity me. I was not comfortable being the centre of attention anyway.


Looking back during those times, I sent a silent prayer of thanksgiving to God. Being a writer helped me express myself. I also made my hobby as a secondary source of income sometimes (a pittance actually but it gave me satisfaction to earn a little something from it). So what more can I asked for?

Well, maybe a Nobel Prize for Literature would be nice. But then again who am I kidding?

this just in!

so there i was writing a comment on ImWriteAboutThis' blog post. Plok! I pressed the submit button. then appeared box and a word that i have to enter into the box to confirm that, yes i really wanted my comment to be posted.

the word to be entered? SLATTI

now i dont know if the people behind the blog website wanted to be funny, or they knew something about my past life or they had a glimpse of my future but i was caught by surprise....

do they know something about me or were they trying to tell me something?

hmmmmm

mind over bladder

i seriously think that my own personal mantra for, well matters relating to the call of nature (no not that call, stop thinking about that!) which is "Mind Over Bladder" is just as significant as that of its same-sounding counterpart and yeah i agree more famous saying "mind over matter".

okay here is one scenario: you are in the middle of a crowd watching a Kings of Leon concert. The group is a Charmer. you are having the best time of your life. you bob your head while listening to them singing about their Sex being On Fire. suddenly you need to pee pretty badly. the problem is that there is no bathroom near you and the concert's on its climax (hey im not talking about live sex!). and you don't want to leave the concert anyway.

by the time the mighty Kings of Leon sang The Bucket, you wished you had one to pee in. i mean really! if you leave now, you know you will give yourself Four Kicks afterwards or Use Somebody to give them to you. the Revelry's getting hotter and the Fans are screaming. bras and undies are flying towards the stage. you cant concentrate, your bladder is about to burst open. double shit and hot damn!

now repeat after me: mind over bladder, mind over bladder, mind over bladder
believe you me, everything is going to be all right. your need to pee will disappear into nothingness without the use of Holly Roller Novocaine....

try it!

Loonyrain – 0 Co-worker – 1

One day my officemate caught me eating a pack of salted peanuts during work hours.

Officemate: Aha! You’re having an early lunch.
Me: Duh! I’m just eating peanuts.
Officemate: Peanuts? Its midday and you’re eating peanuts?
Me: Hey. Peanuts are food for the brain.
Officemate: So, it can make you smart etc etc?
Me: (proudly and with my chin high up in the air) Yes!
Officemate: Have you been eating peanuts for a long time?
Me: (nodding wisely) Since I was a child.
Officemate: Huh! Then peanuts did not help you much, does it?
Me: I hate you!

And I have just been insulted ladies and gentlemen…
But don’t worry I don’t get hurt, I get even.

ATypical Day At The Office

Customer : (on the phone) Hello? I want to talk to Mr. Jones
Me : I’m sorry, Sir but Mr. Jones is not in the office today.
Customer : Okay want to talk to Mr. Smith.
Me : I’m sorry, Sir but Mr. Smith is also not in the office.
Customer : Boot?
Me : What?
Customer : Boot of them are out of the office?

Bwaha!

*****************************************

Telephone rings.
Me : Hello. How may I help you?
Customer : Jack. (Jack is one of my officemates)
Me : Yeah, what about Jack?
Customer : I want to talk to him what else.
Me : Then you should have told me right away. Don’t expect me to know what you want. I’m not a psychic!
Customer : What?
Me : Never mind!

******************************************

Me : Hello. How may I help you?
Customer : John
Me : So?
Customer : Hah?
Me : What?

*****************************************

Me : Hi. I would like to speak with Mr. Jackson, please.
Operator : I’m sorry, madam but his extension is busy.
Me : You can hold me….I mean please put me on hold
Operation : (stammers) I uh ah umm try to connect you again.

A Friendly Advice

Hey nice lady, it shows bad taste to wear 2 pretty anklets if you have cracked heels. It is gross and a big insult to the jeweler. Now why don’t you buy medication for your cracked heels? I’m sure it’s cheaper than the anklets. And oh why don't you let me borrow them for a while huh?

Wala Pang 5 Minutes

so there i was, pretending to be busy at work when Alma (itago lang nato iyang name) came up to me. she was talking yadaa yadaa about something while i was desperately trying to tune her out.

after 2 minutes of endless yakking, she stopped ( maybe to catch her breath or ran out of topics to bore me with). she searched something in her bag and voila! took out a pack of peppermint candies. she took one out but promptly the candy fell on the floor. i soooo noticed what happened but still pretended to be busy.

at the corner of my eye, i knew she was looking at me and was just waiting for the right timing to do something abnormal like picking up her candy and shoving it in her mouth.

and so ladies and gentlemen when she believed i was not looking, she did what i predicted her to do.

oh well, i don't believe the germs have enough time to stick to the candy since it all happened within 5 minutes.........

My Corner: Faves

Favorite Cake : Chiffon Cake
Favorite Ice Cream : Vanilla

How much boring can I get?

Loony’s Corner: Seen on a friend’s mirror

“Be a good. Girl. I love, you.

Since I don’t know how to react after reading such a massacre on punctuations, I asked said friend who wrote it. Her embarrassed reply?
"______ (name) my boyfriend wrote that."

WTF!

Street Talk: Heard While On My Way To Office

Girl 1: Hi. That’s a lovely pair of shoes you’re wearing.
Girl 2: Thanks. I just bought them yesterday.
Girl 1: The heels are too high. Don’t you find it difficult to walk?
Girl 2: I’m used to it already.
Girl 1: That reminds me, ______ (name of another friend) commented that you always look like you’re tottering when walking in your very high heeled shoes.
Girl 2: I do not totter.
Girl 1: Frankly speaking girlfriend, even I noticed that you walk as if you’re always on the brink of toppling over.
Girl 2: I hate you, girl.
Girl 1: Hey. I’m just sayin’

Sigh Men!

contemplating to leave a country where men look like men to go to a country where men look like effeminate shrinking violets just gives me the blues....

If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me

I spent my day off sorting and arranging my things while listening to my collection of golden oldies music. When a Bellamy Brothers’ song came on, I stopped what I was doing, cocked my head and listened. Then I realized something. I have always hated that particular song. The title? If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me.

Before any golden oldies diehard fans start pelting me with stones or worse rotten tomatoes, please let me have my say. I would like to think that I’m not the only one who finds the title tacky, a big turn off and too long a title at that. Come on guys imagine somebody singing If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me to you. Well if it’s your special someone or even a fubu singing the song, you can forgive him the poor choice of song and on to the bedroom you go. But what if a slimy stranger is singing it in a bar or a karaoke club or something while staring pointedly at you? Welcome to a cringe/vomit-inducing 4 minutes of your life.

Or imagine somebody with oily slicked back hair and oilier attitude approached you in a bar and say “If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me”. As a pick up line, I would rate this with a bitch slap and a swift kick in the nuts.

Luckily, the rest of the song is not that bad. It is even a little romantic. What with spending the night together talking about the weather (invigorating), talking about friends out on the coast (captivating) and asking a lot of crazy questions such as “what’s your sign” (illuminating).

Now if it’s me in a bar, and somebody on the stage is singing the Whitney Houston classic “If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful”, I might send him a glass of straight vodka. Or if he’s lucky enough, I might take him home. But that’s another story…..

True-to-Life WTF Moment

Boy: Who locked the stock room?
Girl: Oh. It was me who closed the door. Why?
Boy: I left the key inside.
Girl: Do you mean to say, we can’t open the door now?
Boy: How can we open it if the only key is inside?
Girl: Gosh. I was lucky I didn’t close it while I was inside or else I’ll be trapped.

My Cinderella Complex

Just this morning it all suddenly occurred to me that I might be a very very distant relative of Cinderella. In her fairytale story, she left one shoe behind while trying to get back to her house before midnight or she'll turn back into a lowly maid with a squash as carriage ( although I personally thought she just wanted to avoid more of the prince's groping).

The key phrase here is: leaving a shoe behind
Here are the evidences that I have what I call My Cinderella Complex:

1) As far as I can remember the first time I left a shoe behind was when I was walking up on stage to receive my certificate for finishing first grade. I had to stop walking in the middle of the stage and tie my shoe again. The audience roared with laughter. I might even find it hilarious myself if I was not on the receiving end of that disaster. Luckily for me, the humiliation did not leave me scarred for life.

2) Fast forward to my college years, one time as I was getting into a taxi, my left sandal came off and fell. I have to scramble down again to pick it up or else the taxi driver will drive off with me having only one sandal. The blasted driver laughed in my face and told me to start wearing sandals with laces that I can tie around my legs to avoid the same thing happening again. Oh how I wished I had the courage to bitch slap his face silly. But I imagined doing it though.

3) Still in college, while getting into a jeepney, someone stepped on my shoe causing it to come off. I had to push my way back amidst the throng of passengers in order to rescue it. The jeepney drove off without me.

There are still more incidents like the ones I mentioned but just realized now that Cinderella had the brilliant idea all along. She totally left her shoe behind. Look what happened to her afterwards. The prince picked up her shoe and searched for her and found her and married her. And they live happily ever after. What’s up with that? She was rewarded for being careless. Now if it had happened to me just one time, I’d be accused of littering. Tsk some guys just have all the luck!

Baby Got Back

For the hundredth time or so it seems, my cousins and I watched the Friends TV series again. And again, we had a very good laugh over Ross’ and Rachel’s impromptu rendition of the song Baby Got Back in their attempt to amuse their daughter Emma.

The next day, I found myself singing the lines “I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny” over and over again, imitating Cameron Diaz’ “ass dance” in the movie Charlie’s Angels while taking a shower.

Everything would have been fine if my blasted LSS just stayed put at home. But nooooo, I had to find myself singing the same lines over and over again while working in the office. And of course, one of my managers heard me and said with a slightly disguised lecherous smile “Oh Loonyrain, I didn’t know you like that song. Isn’t it about asses and all?

Now everybody in the office knows how Loonyrain likes people’s behinds. 50% of them now walked with a certain swagger whenever they walk in front of me while the other 50% has given me a wide berth as if I will be overcome with sudden lust and grab their butts.

Hmmpth

Street Talk: overheard outside Al Rigga Train Station last night

Girl 1: I just saw the hunkiest British guy this afternoon.
Girl 2: What did you do?
Girl 1: I smiled and tried to talk to him.
Girl 2: I so admire your guts girl.
Girl 1: Problem is, he was not interested.
Girl 2: That's a shame.
Girl 1: (Sighed) I don't understand why white men just don't seem to dig me.

my life is one big irony

I left a good paying job in my country in search of greener pasture.
Everything went downhill after that.

And now for the latest update in my disastrous life, I received a text from my bank telling me that they were upgrading their system and so I cannot withdraw money from the ATM at some such time on some such date.

I am living a hand to mouth existence. I dont have any money left in the bank. So yeah, I could not care less if they ever open their ATMs again or not.....

Whew! I needed that.

what's for lunch?

so while i was trying to enjoy my lunch of 3 in 1 coffee and 3 pieces of sunflower biscuits, my 2 friends (you know who you are) are talking about their own lunch. call me sensitive but to talk about two pieces of spicy chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob and tortang talong while i was having a hard time swallowing my food is just too much.

to down my own sorrow of being one of the millions of people living below sea level financially speaking, i'll go and make another cup of dishwater-flavored coffee.

anyone want a cup? hmmm

here i go again

trying to write something
but coming up with nothing
maybe i can write later
my best blog entry ever!