If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me

I spent my day off sorting and arranging my things while listening to my collection of golden oldies music. When a Bellamy Brothers’ song came on, I stopped what I was doing, cocked my head and listened. Then I realized something. I have always hated that particular song. The title? If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me.

Before any golden oldies diehard fans start pelting me with stones or worse rotten tomatoes, please let me have my say. I would like to think that I’m not the only one who finds the title tacky, a big turn off and too long a title at that. Come on guys imagine somebody singing If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me to you. Well if it’s your special someone or even a fubu singing the song, you can forgive him the poor choice of song and on to the bedroom you go. But what if a slimy stranger is singing it in a bar or a karaoke club or something while staring pointedly at you? Welcome to a cringe/vomit-inducing 4 minutes of your life.

Or imagine somebody with oily slicked back hair and oilier attitude approached you in a bar and say “If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me”. As a pick up line, I would rate this with a bitch slap and a swift kick in the nuts.

Luckily, the rest of the song is not that bad. It is even a little romantic. What with spending the night together talking about the weather (invigorating), talking about friends out on the coast (captivating) and asking a lot of crazy questions such as “what’s your sign” (illuminating).

Now if it’s me in a bar, and somebody on the stage is singing the Whitney Houston classic “If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful”, I might send him a glass of straight vodka. Or if he’s lucky enough, I might take him home. But that’s another story…..