Customer : (on the phone) Hello? I want to talk to Mr. Jones
Me : I’m sorry, Sir but Mr. Jones is not in the office today.
Customer : Okay want to talk to Mr. Smith.
Me : I’m sorry, Sir but Mr. Smith is also not in the office.
Customer : Boot?
Me : What?
Customer : Boot of them are out of the office?
Bwaha!
*****************************************
Telephone rings.
Me : Hello. How may I help you?
Customer : Jack. (Jack is one of my officemates)
Me : Yeah, what about Jack?
Customer : I want to talk to him what else.
Me : Then you should have told me right away. Don’t expect me to know what you want. I’m not a psychic!
Customer : What?
Me : Never mind!
******************************************
Me : Hello. How may I help you?
Customer : John
Me : So?
Customer : Hah?
Me : What?
*****************************************
Me : Hi. I would like to speak with Mr. Jackson, please.
Operator : I’m sorry, madam but his extension is busy.
Me : You can hold me….I mean please put me on hold
Operation : (stammers) I uh ah umm try to connect you again.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
A Friendly Advice
Hey nice lady, it shows bad taste to wear 2 pretty anklets if you have cracked heels. It is gross and a big insult to the jeweler. Now why don’t you buy medication for your cracked heels? I’m sure it’s cheaper than the anklets. And oh why don't you let me borrow them for a while huh?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wala Pang 5 Minutes
so there i was, pretending to be busy at work when Alma (itago lang nato iyang name) came up to me. she was talking yadaa yadaa about something while i was desperately trying to tune her out.
after 2 minutes of endless yakking, she stopped ( maybe to catch her breath or ran out of topics to bore me with). she searched something in her bag and voila! took out a pack of peppermint candies. she took one out but promptly the candy fell on the floor. i soooo noticed what happened but still pretended to be busy.
at the corner of my eye, i knew she was looking at me and was just waiting for the right timing to do something abnormal like picking up her candy and shoving it in her mouth.
and so ladies and gentlemen when she believed i was not looking, she did what i predicted her to do.
oh well, i don't believe the germs have enough time to stick to the candy since it all happened within 5 minutes.........
after 2 minutes of endless yakking, she stopped ( maybe to catch her breath or ran out of topics to bore me with). she searched something in her bag and voila! took out a pack of peppermint candies. she took one out but promptly the candy fell on the floor. i soooo noticed what happened but still pretended to be busy.
at the corner of my eye, i knew she was looking at me and was just waiting for the right timing to do something abnormal like picking up her candy and shoving it in her mouth.
and so ladies and gentlemen when she believed i was not looking, she did what i predicted her to do.
oh well, i don't believe the germs have enough time to stick to the candy since it all happened within 5 minutes.........
Sunday, January 24, 2010
My Corner: Faves
Favorite Cake : Chiffon Cake
Favorite Ice Cream : Vanilla
How much boring can I get?
Favorite Ice Cream : Vanilla
How much boring can I get?
Loony’s Corner: Seen on a friend’s mirror
“Be a good. Girl. I love, you.
Since I don’t know how to react after reading such a massacre on punctuations, I asked said friend who wrote it. Her embarrassed reply?
"______ (name) my boyfriend wrote that."
WTF!
Since I don’t know how to react after reading such a massacre on punctuations, I asked said friend who wrote it. Her embarrassed reply?
"______ (name) my boyfriend wrote that."
WTF!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Street Talk: Heard While On My Way To Office
Girl 1: Hi. That’s a lovely pair of shoes you’re wearing.
Girl 2: Thanks. I just bought them yesterday.
Girl 1: The heels are too high. Don’t you find it difficult to walk?
Girl 2: I’m used to it already.
Girl 1: That reminds me, ______ (name of another friend) commented that you always look like you’re tottering when walking in your very high heeled shoes.
Girl 2: I do not totter.
Girl 1: Frankly speaking girlfriend, even I noticed that you walk as if you’re always on the brink of toppling over.
Girl 2: I hate you, girl.
Girl 1: Hey. I’m just sayin’
Girl 2: Thanks. I just bought them yesterday.
Girl 1: The heels are too high. Don’t you find it difficult to walk?
Girl 2: I’m used to it already.
Girl 1: That reminds me, ______ (name of another friend) commented that you always look like you’re tottering when walking in your very high heeled shoes.
Girl 2: I do not totter.
Girl 1: Frankly speaking girlfriend, even I noticed that you walk as if you’re always on the brink of toppling over.
Girl 2: I hate you, girl.
Girl 1: Hey. I’m just sayin’
Sigh Men!
contemplating to leave a country where men look like men to go to a country where men look like effeminate shrinking violets just gives me the blues....
Friday, January 22, 2010
If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me
I spent my day off sorting and arranging my things while listening to my collection of golden oldies music. When a Bellamy Brothers’ song came on, I stopped what I was doing, cocked my head and listened. Then I realized something. I have always hated that particular song. The title? If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me.
Before any golden oldies diehard fans start pelting me with stones or worse rotten tomatoes, please let me have my say. I would like to think that I’m not the only one who finds the title tacky, a big turn off and too long a title at that. Come on guys imagine somebody singing If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me to you. Well if it’s your special someone or even a fubu singing the song, you can forgive him the poor choice of song and on to the bedroom you go. But what if a slimy stranger is singing it in a bar or a karaoke club or something while staring pointedly at you? Welcome to a cringe/vomit-inducing 4 minutes of your life.
Or imagine somebody with oily slicked back hair and oilier attitude approached you in a bar and say “If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me”. As a pick up line, I would rate this with a bitch slap and a swift kick in the nuts.
Luckily, the rest of the song is not that bad. It is even a little romantic. What with spending the night together talking about the weather (invigorating), talking about friends out on the coast (captivating) and asking a lot of crazy questions such as “what’s your sign” (illuminating).
Now if it’s me in a bar, and somebody on the stage is singing the Whitney Houston classic “If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful”, I might send him a glass of straight vodka. Or if he’s lucky enough, I might take him home. But that’s another story…..
Before any golden oldies diehard fans start pelting me with stones or worse rotten tomatoes, please let me have my say. I would like to think that I’m not the only one who finds the title tacky, a big turn off and too long a title at that. Come on guys imagine somebody singing If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me to you. Well if it’s your special someone or even a fubu singing the song, you can forgive him the poor choice of song and on to the bedroom you go. But what if a slimy stranger is singing it in a bar or a karaoke club or something while staring pointedly at you? Welcome to a cringe/vomit-inducing 4 minutes of your life.
Or imagine somebody with oily slicked back hair and oilier attitude approached you in a bar and say “If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me”. As a pick up line, I would rate this with a bitch slap and a swift kick in the nuts.
Luckily, the rest of the song is not that bad. It is even a little romantic. What with spending the night together talking about the weather (invigorating), talking about friends out on the coast (captivating) and asking a lot of crazy questions such as “what’s your sign” (illuminating).
Now if it’s me in a bar, and somebody on the stage is singing the Whitney Houston classic “If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful”, I might send him a glass of straight vodka. Or if he’s lucky enough, I might take him home. But that’s another story…..
True-to-Life WTF Moment
Boy: Who locked the stock room?
Girl: Oh. It was me who closed the door. Why?
Boy: I left the key inside.
Girl: Do you mean to say, we can’t open the door now?
Boy: How can we open it if the only key is inside?
Girl: Gosh. I was lucky I didn’t close it while I was inside or else I’ll be trapped.
Girl: Oh. It was me who closed the door. Why?
Boy: I left the key inside.
Girl: Do you mean to say, we can’t open the door now?
Boy: How can we open it if the only key is inside?
Girl: Gosh. I was lucky I didn’t close it while I was inside or else I’ll be trapped.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My Cinderella Complex
Just this morning it all suddenly occurred to me that I might be a very very distant relative of Cinderella. In her fairytale story, she left one shoe behind while trying to get back to her house before midnight or she'll turn back into a lowly maid with a squash as carriage ( although I personally thought she just wanted to avoid more of the prince's groping).
The key phrase here is: leaving a shoe behind
Here are the evidences that I have what I call My Cinderella Complex:
1) As far as I can remember the first time I left a shoe behind was when I was walking up on stage to receive my certificate for finishing first grade. I had to stop walking in the middle of the stage and tie my shoe again. The audience roared with laughter. I might even find it hilarious myself if I was not on the receiving end of that disaster. Luckily for me, the humiliation did not leave me scarred for life.
2) Fast forward to my college years, one time as I was getting into a taxi, my left sandal came off and fell. I have to scramble down again to pick it up or else the taxi driver will drive off with me having only one sandal. The blasted driver laughed in my face and told me to start wearing sandals with laces that I can tie around my legs to avoid the same thing happening again. Oh how I wished I had the courage to bitch slap his face silly. But I imagined doing it though.
3) Still in college, while getting into a jeepney, someone stepped on my shoe causing it to come off. I had to push my way back amidst the throng of passengers in order to rescue it. The jeepney drove off without me.
There are still more incidents like the ones I mentioned but just realized now that Cinderella had the brilliant idea all along. She totally left her shoe behind. Look what happened to her afterwards. The prince picked up her shoe and searched for her and found her and married her. And they live happily ever after. What’s up with that? She was rewarded for being careless. Now if it had happened to me just one time, I’d be accused of littering. Tsk some guys just have all the luck!
The key phrase here is: leaving a shoe behind
Here are the evidences that I have what I call My Cinderella Complex:
1) As far as I can remember the first time I left a shoe behind was when I was walking up on stage to receive my certificate for finishing first grade. I had to stop walking in the middle of the stage and tie my shoe again. The audience roared with laughter. I might even find it hilarious myself if I was not on the receiving end of that disaster. Luckily for me, the humiliation did not leave me scarred for life.
2) Fast forward to my college years, one time as I was getting into a taxi, my left sandal came off and fell. I have to scramble down again to pick it up or else the taxi driver will drive off with me having only one sandal. The blasted driver laughed in my face and told me to start wearing sandals with laces that I can tie around my legs to avoid the same thing happening again. Oh how I wished I had the courage to bitch slap his face silly. But I imagined doing it though.
3) Still in college, while getting into a jeepney, someone stepped on my shoe causing it to come off. I had to push my way back amidst the throng of passengers in order to rescue it. The jeepney drove off without me.
There are still more incidents like the ones I mentioned but just realized now that Cinderella had the brilliant idea all along. She totally left her shoe behind. Look what happened to her afterwards. The prince picked up her shoe and searched for her and found her and married her. And they live happily ever after. What’s up with that? She was rewarded for being careless. Now if it had happened to me just one time, I’d be accused of littering. Tsk some guys just have all the luck!
Baby Got Back
For the hundredth time or so it seems, my cousins and I watched the Friends TV series again. And again, we had a very good laugh over Ross’ and Rachel’s impromptu rendition of the song Baby Got Back in their attempt to amuse their daughter Emma.
The next day, I found myself singing the lines “I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny” over and over again, imitating Cameron Diaz’ “ass dance” in the movie Charlie’s Angels while taking a shower.
Everything would have been fine if my blasted LSS just stayed put at home. But nooooo, I had to find myself singing the same lines over and over again while working in the office. And of course, one of my managers heard me and said with a slightly disguised lecherous smile “Oh Loonyrain, I didn’t know you like that song. Isn’t it about asses and all?
Now everybody in the office knows how Loonyrain likes people’s behinds. 50% of them now walked with a certain swagger whenever they walk in front of me while the other 50% has given me a wide berth as if I will be overcome with sudden lust and grab their butts.
Hmmpth
The next day, I found myself singing the lines “I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny” over and over again, imitating Cameron Diaz’ “ass dance” in the movie Charlie’s Angels while taking a shower.
Everything would have been fine if my blasted LSS just stayed put at home. But nooooo, I had to find myself singing the same lines over and over again while working in the office. And of course, one of my managers heard me and said with a slightly disguised lecherous smile “Oh Loonyrain, I didn’t know you like that song. Isn’t it about asses and all?
Now everybody in the office knows how Loonyrain likes people’s behinds. 50% of them now walked with a certain swagger whenever they walk in front of me while the other 50% has given me a wide berth as if I will be overcome with sudden lust and grab their butts.
Hmmpth
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Street Talk: overheard outside Al Rigga Train Station last night
Girl 1: I just saw the hunkiest British guy this afternoon.
Girl 2: What did you do?
Girl 1: I smiled and tried to talk to him.
Girl 2: I so admire your guts girl.
Girl 1: Problem is, he was not interested.
Girl 2: That's a shame.
Girl 1: (Sighed) I don't understand why white men just don't seem to dig me.
Girl 2: What did you do?
Girl 1: I smiled and tried to talk to him.
Girl 2: I so admire your guts girl.
Girl 1: Problem is, he was not interested.
Girl 2: That's a shame.
Girl 1: (Sighed) I don't understand why white men just don't seem to dig me.
my life is one big irony
I left a good paying job in my country in search of greener pasture.
Everything went downhill after that.
And now for the latest update in my disastrous life, I received a text from my bank telling me that they were upgrading their system and so I cannot withdraw money from the ATM at some such time on some such date.
I am living a hand to mouth existence. I dont have any money left in the bank. So yeah, I could not care less if they ever open their ATMs again or not.....
Whew! I needed that.
Everything went downhill after that.
And now for the latest update in my disastrous life, I received a text from my bank telling me that they were upgrading their system and so I cannot withdraw money from the ATM at some such time on some such date.
I am living a hand to mouth existence. I dont have any money left in the bank. So yeah, I could not care less if they ever open their ATMs again or not.....
Whew! I needed that.
what's for lunch?
so while i was trying to enjoy my lunch of 3 in 1 coffee and 3 pieces of sunflower biscuits, my 2 friends (you know who you are) are talking about their own lunch. call me sensitive but to talk about two pieces of spicy chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob and tortang talong while i was having a hard time swallowing my food is just too much.
to down my own sorrow of being one of the millions of people living below sea level financially speaking, i'll go and make another cup of dishwater-flavored coffee.
anyone want a cup? hmmm
to down my own sorrow of being one of the millions of people living below sea level financially speaking, i'll go and make another cup of dishwater-flavored coffee.
anyone want a cup? hmmm
here i go again
trying to write something
but coming up with nothing
maybe i can write later
my best blog entry ever!
but coming up with nothing
maybe i can write later
my best blog entry ever!
